Decision time

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my future and what I really want out of life. I have a great opportunity at work and am feeling some HUGE pressure to apply for the job that I've been doing as a "temporary" assignment for the last year.

A little background for those of you who may not know, I have been doing double duty at work for the last year. Not only have I been the Dialysis Nurse Manager (and occasionally still staffing the unit) but I've also been the Acting Associate Chief of Ambulatory Care. The second job is my boss' old job. She was just promoted to be the Nurse Executive for the hospital. The hospital's main leadership is called "The Pentad" and it consists of (obviously) 5 members: The Director, The Associate Director, The Chief of Staff, The Nurse Executive, and The Director of Clinical Operations. Under the Nurse Executive are the "Associate Chiefs". I've been doing one of those jobs (which consists of being over all the out patient areas in the hospital for nursing). It is a pretty high visibility job and I love doing it. However, I also love doing dialysis and being their manager. I get a little confused on what I want out of life and what choices I should make.

The job became available a couple weeks ago and I applied so I wouldn't have to act in the position any longer. I hoped that by not acting that my decision would become more clear. The VA has this rule about not acting in a position that you want to apply for...some how acting in a position for a year is okay but acting in it while the position is posted MIGHT give me some unfair advantage. Whatever...the advantage already happened. Not acting did it's job. I was able to find some clarity and peace with my decision. I didn't falter anymore.

I made up my mind last week. I do not want to apply for the job. I should rephrase that, I want it but the timing is all wrong. As much as part of me wants the job, I want to focus on other aspects of my life. It was pictures like the ones in this post that helped me make my decision. These pictures just make me smile. After looking at them or spending time with these kids that I know FOR SURE that I want kids to be in my future and I can't get them here if I'm working all the time or if I'm so stressed that I can't function outside of work.

I've stolen most of these pictures from other peoples' blogs...so for those of you who see Carrie or Ashley's blog on a frequent basis, this may be a repeat for you. Oh well...enjoy them again.

If you didn't know, the kids in this post are my sibs kids. The little girl is Ellie (Ashley's little girl), the first boy - in green shirt - is Micah (Chris' youngest boy), 2nd boy - in red shirt - is Zachary (Chris' oldest boy), 3rd boy -in royal blue shirt - is Austin (Chris' middle boy), and the 4th boy - in sky blue shirt - is Noah (Kenny's little boy).